She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize