i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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