My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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