Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
