WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
