You're so nebulous sometimes
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
