I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
