My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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