If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
