i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
