so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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