I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
