i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
