I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
