Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i think i just lost a toe
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
