you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
