I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
