JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
