In the future we'll all be gay
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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