If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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