jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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