Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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