sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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