I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
