she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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