You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
