last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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