Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
