that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
