If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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