Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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