Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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