I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
