I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
