I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
