i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
