Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
