dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
