I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
