i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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