Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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