Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
