i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
