Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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