I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
