I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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