The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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