I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
