just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
