I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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