Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
