I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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