There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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