whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
