YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
