end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
