i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I touched a dick in church today
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
