i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize