i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
