She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
