Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
