I love black thongs
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
