During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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