Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize