I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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