Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
my liver is dry heaving
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
