Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
