I wanna bring you to show and tell
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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