Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
