I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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