thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
