Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
