I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
what day is it and did you see me today?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
