and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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