Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
