Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
