well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
