I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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