I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
