Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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