I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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