with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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