Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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