Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
