I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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