I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
