it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
