Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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