the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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