He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
